He won't take his eyes off me
"Please, please", I whisper, trying not to make a sound. I'm so scared he hears me. Heavy rain hits down hard on the window. There is something, something frightening, happening inside my room.
The sound of gurgling and gasping for air echoes between the hard drops of water beating down. I don’t want to; everything in my body is fighting the need. Fighting against what he wants. “Please, please … don’t make me.” my voice trembling.
My curtains are closed; there must be a small cracked open window as the material gently rocks back and forth. No one can see me, But I can feel him; looking down at me, I am sure of it. The wooden chair legs just out in front of me. His breath warm … running down the front of my body. I don’t move; I am scared he touches me again. I’m afraid he notices me. I am afraid to look at him. Please don’t, please don’t do it again… I pray hard. I start to pray out loud.
All of a sudden, there is silence. Dead silence. Even the rain bolstering down has stopped. My prayers have been answered. I take in a deep breath, with my head still hanging down and my eyes closed. Peering through my almost shut eyes, I notice the curtain still moving back and forth. The fear starts to boil up inside me again. I move my attention to where the chair was in front of me; it is no longer standing up straight; it has fallen over. My heart begins to race as I realise he hasn’t gone. He is inside, and the outside world has been shut out. It is just him and me. The two of us, the way he likes it.
Oriental spices start filling up the air, the curtain moving back and forth more vigorously now. The sound of gasping and spluttering gets louder. I let my eyes follow up the curtain alongside me, and I see now why it has been moving. I don’t want to, I don’t want to look, but I need to. I see legs kicking and flaying, knocking the curtains about.
I can see his feet….his body … dangling right in front of me. The smell of as the smell of Virginia tobacco suffocates the air. Chokes me as my eyes cascade over his body, flopping about like a fish out of water… His whole body contorting hanging from my ceiling. I catch his eyes, fixated on me. He wants me to watch him die. Night after night, he wants me to watch him suffer for his sins.
I wish I knew what they were so I could forgive him.